Monday, April 21, 2008

A Chubby Girl Can't Win

Well, some days, anyway. 

Faith of That is So Queer was kind enough to steer me to a specific post on Kate Harding's fantastic blog, Shapely Prose. It's about how we fool ourselves into thinking that we'll be different, better, more exciting people if we just become thin.

Today, Shapely Prose has a post about someone who wants to convince their overweight and unhealthy-for-other-reasons friend to see a doctor. The post includes links to a site aimed at helping us find doctors who won't harp on our weight.

And so it was with this in mind that I went for my appointment with my new, in-network GYN. (My old GYN always gets mentioned when people start e-mailing around asking for recommendations. She is awesome and I'd hoped that she'd deliver my theoretical, someday babies. But I changed insurance and my new plan doesn't pay for out of network at all. So I'm shit outa luck there.)

So, new GYN. We discussed my medical history, that I need to exercise more (which I brought up--see Phase 1). She equated exercise with chemo. If your doctor said you needed chemo, then you wouldn't say you were too busy. So we're focusing on my health and not my size. She gave me some recipes for calcium-rich foods and suggested I consume more calcium. She didn't ask me if I was planning on making babies (several friends have complained about GYNs who didn't pay much attention to them because they weren't in baby making mode) and she didn't tell me to lose weight.

So I was feeling pretty good about her as I headed into the exam. The hospital gown could've been bigger, but I'm not that overweight. It's possible they have big girl gowns and didn't think I needed one. Whatevs.

She takes my weight, she takes my height, does the exam, yadda, yadda. As she's wrapping up, she reviews what we discussed, my prescription, etc. and then she says, "we just have to exercise more and take in fewer calories."

So I went into the spiel about how I lost 30 pounds on WW, gained it back from the stress eating, changing jobs, the whole wedding thing, been trying to lose it, but not going to torture myself over calories anymore, but will be exercising more and she dropped it.

I wish I had asked her why she thought I needed to lose weight. She'd just taken my blood pressure, which is incredibly low. My cholesterol is fine. What health benefits did she think I'd get? And she'd just written me a prescription for more birth control pills. Which can cause weight gain. But I'll just take in less calories and it'll all go away. Sigh.

It didn't upset me--I have pretty thick skin, so this woman thinking I need to eat less is not going to make me beat myself up until I do so. But man, she was so close to earning a fat friendly seal of approval from me. I was thisclose to not grieving over my old GYN.

I showed her--I went back to the office and had my little 100 calorie cupcakes, and then had a reasonably healthy dinner (rice, veg, a little chicken from the salad bar downstairs from the office). I didn't leave her office feeling like I needed a doughnut to help me recover from the experience. That'll teach her to push buttons that could lead to emotional eating.

I mean honestly, people, the woman has written 2 books about women's health. But she just starts talking about eating less calories to a chubby woman in an ill-fitting hospital gown, open in the front, just waiting for the doctor to leave the room so she can grab a wad of kleenex to wipe off all the lube. And she thinks this message is going to be received in an effective way.

And now I know why other woman won't go to the doctor.

Jeebus H, some days I want to smack thin people.

Exercise: Nope
Flossing: Check
Food Guilt: Check

Exercise: Nope
Flossing: Check
Food Guilt: Check

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